Painful times

I've had the most horrible last four days. Have been in bed with a non-stop  migraine. Why is this happening to me God, why? In a post not too long ago I wrote that things are looking up for me and that the worst is behind me. I guess I spoke too soon. Migraines are just absolutely unbearable, and anyone who's suffered from them would agree with me. I know a lot of people who suffer or have suffered from migraines, but I've never come across anybody who gets them as often as I do. 

I've had a chronic daily migraine for nearly nine months now. There are hardly 4-5 days in a month when I don't have a headache. It's just killing. Every time I get migraine, I just lose the will to live. It's really that bad. Even in the best of times, my head pains like hell, my body goes numb and I can't even keep my eyes open. The only thing I can do is lie down on my bed. Most people don't understand what I go through, probably because they haven't experienced the pain. They think I'm just pretending the pain, to shy away from my duties. That hurts me more. I feel like a lone soul, with no one to share my pain and sorrow with. Nobody understands. Even if they do, they can't do anything to help me. Sometimes I feel nobody can help me. 

I have developed what the doctors call 'Medication Overuse Syndrome', a condition where one has gets a chronic daily headache, because of having taken too many pain killers. There's no treatment for it, apart from just stopping pain killers completely. That's very hard to do, especially when you're addicted to them, like I am. Every time I get a headache, I pop in a pill. I've taken so many of them that my body has practically stopped responding to them. If I don't take a pain killer, my headache just doesn't go away for several days, and I'm confined to bed. So in order to function even a little bit, I have to take them. And as I do, I only make things worse.  I don't know how I'm going to get out of this rut. 

When I look at people around me, being active, being happy, being healthy, I feel jealous. I want to be like them too. There are so many things I would like to do, which I can't because of  all these headaches. It is like slow poison, killing me slowly. I'm not able to think clearly these days. I want to say things but my mind just goes...blank. Even as I'm writing this blog, I'm not getting the words(if you know what I mean). I can only pray to God that these horrible headaches go away soon. I want to lead a normal life. Please help me God. Please.